dating a performer 101

As a performer myself, I have never truly dated another performer and have noticed quite an interesting dynamic between performer and non-performer relationships. They say opposites attract, and that they do! But sometimes it can create some unintentional chaos in a simple, well-meaning conversation.

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A lot of artistically talented people tend to be more sensitive and/or emotionally driven – personally, that is very apparent when I react with my initial feelings rather than thinking things though logically first. In my relationships, I have noticed that creates many a misunderstanding – I jump to the conclusion of how I feel before assessing the entirety of the situation. In the performing world, that can be helpful when needing to utilize raw emotions and feelings very quickly, but in a relationship with a very opposite personality, it can lead to frustration due to feelings of being misunderstood from both ends. Wearing my heart on my sleeve is something I’ve had to learn how to balance – but I am grateful for being one who can celebrate the joys in life and have no reason to hold it back.

Bradley would probably agree with me when I describe my moods can change instantly with the slightest provocation.

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I could be having the best day, but the moment I hear “In The Arms Of An Angel” = instant tears at the thought of all the homeless and mistreated puppies in the world. I am not one to watch much of the news because hearing more about all of the hurting people in the world and how much is beyond my control leaves me with a feeling of helplessness that tears me apart – but, part of that deep-seeded passion can lead to great change. It gives drive to make a difference. Being an empath is very common for performers – which is why you see so many performers advocating for the well-being of humanity.

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Coming home from work, I tend to just want to curl up in a ball and do nothing for the rest of the night. On the other hand, Bradley is a social butterfly – he is always wanting to go out and do something. These traits can most definitely clash at times. I love what I do, but after a long day of smiling and laughing and being 110% for long stretches of time, I feel completely drained of my natural livelihood. Suppressing any negative feelings from situations outside of work can take its toll emotionally and mentally – and for an introvert like myself, alone/quiet time is the only way I am able to remain mentally healthy.

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On the flip side, while Bradley and I might be very opposite, we can both enjoy and appreciate each other’s work and hobbies. I enjoy cheering and yelling with him at football games and he enjoys listening to acapella groups (and even some musicals). He gets emotional watching me perform, and I beam with pride at his hard work and determination to be a great coach. Loving a performer is probably exhausting at times – sorry, babe – but the people who can do it, and do it well, are some of the most patient and gentle human beings on the planet. And with that, I leave you with a quote from Bradley’s and my favorite TV show:

“There are dreamers and there are realists in this world. You’d think the dreamers would find the dreamers, and the realists would find the realists, but more often than not, the opposite is true. See, the dreamers need the realists to keep them from soaring too close to the sun. And the realists? Well, without the dreamers, they might not ever get off the ground.”      
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– Modern Family

a s h e l l a  x o

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